Private One-On-One Betrayal Trauma Counselling For Spouses Of Sex Addicts With Renown Sex Addiction Therapist In Sydney & Online
As a spouse of a sex addict, disregarding your own socioeconomic standing, intelligence or education, your age, culture or ethnicity, your gender or sexual orientation, and whether your sex addicted partner has betrayed you with pornography, online sex, real people, or other forms of untruths and double life, you most certainly experience acute shock or numbness, and indescribable pain and emotional upheaval upon uncovering your partner’s intimate betrayal. You have been betrayed, and most likely repeatedly betrayed, on all fronts; relationship, monogamy, future, trust, hope, emotional and/or financial safety, and of course, sexual intimacy. You may feel ‘unreal’ and like ‘being in a freefall’ and nothing around you may make sense. You may question your future and yourself as a person, and wonder if you have ever been loved by the person you trusted. These, and many more thoughts and emotions, are normal reactions to a very abnormal, threatening, sudden, and out of your control life-change. Commonly, spouses of sex addicts experience significant clinical distress and sex addiction induced betrayal trauma symptoms (SAI-T), caused by their partners double life and repeated sexual infidelity. Many betrayed spouses may require immediate professional treatment from a sex addiction and trauma specialist in prevention of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), and coming to terms with an array of conflicting and confusing emotions, and a broken heart.
A DEFINITION OF BETRAYAL TRAUMA
Betrayal trauma can be defined as a betrayal on a person who is emotionally close to the perpetrator and relient upon support and survival.
Clinical studies by Dr Barbara Stephens and Ms Marsha Means reveal a shocking 70% of partners of sex addicts, most of them are women, scoring positive for PTSD. The study finds that partners of sex addicts are just as damaged and traumatised as war veterans who suffer PTSD.
SEX, LOVE AND PORNOGRAPHY ADDICTION INJURY IN RELATIONSHIPS
How can you tell your partner may be a sex addict? All sexual addictions, including pornography addiction, are disorders of ‘faulty wiring’ of sexual desire and arousal in the meso-limbic part of the brain. Sex addiction is also termed Progressive Intimacy Disorder. This means, you may detect in your partner a growing sense of disconnection from you, emotionally, sexually, psychologically, and physically. However, some spouses of sex addicts do not notice any change in intimacy, and are completely overwhelmed upon discovery of their partners betrayal. Nothing can adequately prepare you for the horrific impact of intimate betrayal.
WHAT HAPPENS TO THE SEXUALLY ADDICTED PARTNER
Sexual addiction disorder is characterised by escalations of compulsive sexual and pornographic thoughts and acts. These include;
- Obsessive preoccupation with sex
- Escalations of pornongraphy consumption, with, or without, masturbation
- Escalations of otherwise motivated sexual behaviours and acts
- Escalations of dangerous risk taking behaviours, sexual, financial, or otherwise
- Sexual cravings
- Anger and rage
- Mood swings
- Partner blaming
- Partner neglect
- Growing marital and social isolation
HELP AND INTERVENTION
Despite an addict’s full awareness of the negative consequences their behaviour is causing, sex addicts find themselves unable to stop their sexual compulsions on their own. Sex addicts have lost control over their sexual desires and arousals and require clinical intervention by professional sex addiction therapists. If you fear your spouse could be addicted to sex or pornography, and your relationship may be in jeopardy, there is professional information, treatment and counselling, and confidential support and help available for you at Sex Addiction Australia.
IS YOUR PARTNER FULLY AWARE OF THE DAMAGE THEY CAUSE?
As a part of sexual addiction disorder, addicts experience cognitive distortions and spiritual disconnection, and therefore tend to fail to fully appreciate the extent of the damage their behaviour is causing, not only to themselves, but the enormity of impact their behaviour is having on their spouse and family. Being a spouse of a sex addict may make you feel helpless and isolated when observing the unfolding of your partner’s addictive problem.
- Sex therapists and sex addiction specialists report increasing numbers of partners and spouses of sex, love, and pornography addicts seeking help for coming to terms with marital betrayal trauma.
- You are not alone. Sex Addiction Australia can help. We can STOP in sex addicts the vicious cycle of sexual and pornography addictions. We offer professional help for spouses of sex addicts for managing and overcoming the effects of sexually induced betrayal trauma. Furthermore, we specialise in relationship and marriage counselling after sexual addiction for all couples of all gender.
YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME IF YOUR PARTNER IS ADDICTED TO SEX OR PORN
Spouses of sex addicts often blame themselves, may receive partner blame, or become subjected to destructive criticism from others for their partners sexual addiction. In reality, sexual addiction is a disorder of the brain and cannot be caused by another person. You have not contributed to the development of your partner’s sexual addiction, nor was it ever in your power to stop it. However, you may have been experiencing long standing and unresolved marital problems in your couple, or you may feel unattractive due to a lack of being sexually desired and loved by your partner. You may have been unwilling, or unable, to give sex for various reasons. Unresolved marital and sexual intimacy problems may stand in the way, but none of them could have created a sexual addiction in your partner.
YOUR OWN CONFLICTING EMOTIONS
Instead, as a partner of a sex addict, you are likely to experience an array of devastating, conflicting and confusing emotions linked to your partner’s double life and sexual betrayal.
Such emotions may include;
- Emotional constriction
- Sadness and heaviness
- Extreme stress
- Extreme agitation
- Disturbed sleep
- Nightmares and flashbacks
- Concentration difficulties and forgetfulness
- Loss of appetite or overeating
- Digestive difficulties
- Weight gain, weight loss
- Physical malaise
- Hair loss
- Struggling to manage daily demands
- Out of character anger or rage
- Panic attacks
- Loss of trust
- Loss of meaning
- Feelings of unworthiness and rejection
- Loss of self-esteem
- Loss of identity
- Fear of the future
- And you may blame yourself
NORMAL RESPONSES TO ABNORMAL LIFE-EVENTS
You have NOT gone crazy, although you may feel that way. Your reactions to such sudden, traumatic, out of your control, and threatening life-changes to security, love and belonging are very normal responses, and can be treated by our professional sex addiction counsellor.
TAKING SELF CARE, AND HELPING YOURSELF FIRST
Your sex addicted spouse has lost control over their behaviour. There is no biological evidence that sex addicts have abnormal high sex drives. Successful sex addiction therapy enables sex addicts fully recover to normal healthy sexual intimacy.
Demand change and action;
- Remind yourself of your original goals and agreements in your relationship.
- Determine what is acceptable behaviour in your relationship, and what is unacceptable.
- Set firm boundaries.
- Communicate these boundaries to your addicted spouse.
- Prepare for denial, lying, rejection, and anger as a part of sexual addiction.
- Stay focused and firm. NO level of abuse is acceptable.
- When you are ready, demand to get the truth of your relationship life, a full disclosure of your partner’s betrayals. Your partner must prepare a formal disclosure with a professional sex addiction specialist. Help is on hand here at ASAA.
- Be aware of your own upheaval and your rightful anger, but be mindful of rage and retaliation.
- Make your spouse’s commitment to recovery a condition for a possible continuation of your relationship.
- Your spouse has to earn back your trust and your respect.
- Get professional support for yourself, allowing you to come to terms with your own emotions in your own time.
- Remind yourself, hypersexuality is a fully treatable disorder. With appropriate therapy in place, sex addicts can return to normal healthy sexual function and relationship.
HOW OUR SPOUSE SUPPORT COUNSELLING WORKS
- Our spouse support therapy focuses firmly on your personal situation and your own emotional needs.
- We are here to help you with finding solutions and coming to terms with the injuries of sexual betrayal, and developing healthy dynamics for healing your emotional pain.
- We assist you with determining your next steps forward, and help you with developing, and implementing, day to day coping tools.
- We gently guide you finding your own way forward into your future, disregarding you wanting to dissolve, or rebuild, your relationship.
ENQUIRE, OR MAKE AN APPOINTMENT FOR SPOUSE SUPPORT COUNSELLING
Feel welcome and ask questions. Get in touch with Heide now, Principal Counsellor and Clinical Sex Therapist at ASAA. Call Heide directly (+61) 02 9380 4486 or Book Or Enquire Online or email email@example.com