Private One-On-One Betrayal Trauma Counselling For Spouses Of Sex Addicts With Renown Sex Addiction Therapist In Sydney & Online
DISCOVERING THE BETRAYAL AND GETTING HELP RIGHT HERE
As a spouse of a sex addict, disregarding who you are and whether you have been betrayed by pornography, online sex, real people, paid sex workers, affairs, or other forms of deception, you most certainly experience acute shock and indescribable emotional pain. In the aftermath of discovering the sexual betrayal and coming to terms with the enormity of deception, gaslighting and reality manipulation, you may experience uncharacteristically strong emotions. Many spouses are surprised, or shocked, at how intense their anger is and how completely out of control they feel.
Many betrayed spouses say this:
“My life has stopped. I feel unreal like being in ‘free fall’ where nothing holds me safe and makes sense. I doubt myself as a person and wonder if I have ever been truly loved by the person who has betrayed me so badly.”
Betrayed spouses of sex addicts tend to experience significant clinical distress, and may develop Sex Addiction Induced Betrayal Trauma Symptoms (SAI-T). If left untreated, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) may manifest.
DEFINITION OF BETRAYAL TRAUMA
Betrayal trauma can be defined as a betrayal on a person who is emotionally close to the perpetrator, and reliant upon their support and/or survival.
Clinical studies by Dr Barbara Stephens and Ms Marsha Means reveal a shocking 70% of partners of sex addicts, most of them women, scoring positive for PTSD. The study finds that partners of sex addicts are just as emotionally damaged and traumatised as war veterans with PTSD.
HOW CAN YOU TELL YOUR PARTNER MAY BE ADDICTED TO SEX
Sex addiction is a form of detachment, also termed Progressive Intimacy Erosion Disorder. This means, your addicted partner may appear disconnected, unavailable, avoidant, insensitive to your needs, or may display sudden angry mood swings. However, some spouses of sex addicts report they do not notice any change in behaviour at all.
RECOGNISING COMMON SYMPTOMS OF SEX AND PORNOGRAPHY ADDICTION IN YOUR PARTNER
- Obsessive preoccupation with sex
- Escalations of pornography consumption and masturbation
- Becoming more demanding in the bedroom
- Anger, rage, gaslighting and manipulation when sex or porn are denied
- Denial and lying
- Noticeable mood swings that make you walk on eggshells
- Being blamed or neglected
- Suicidal thoughts, depression
- In some cases- A myriad of non sexual adrenaline promoting behaviours may also be present, e.g. risky finances, fast driving, dangerous sports, high risk or poor decision making
IS YOUR PARTNER FULLY AWARE OF THE DAMAGE THEY CAUSE?
As a part of sexual addiction disorder, addicts experience cognitive distortions and spiritual disconnection, and therefore tend to fail to fully appreciate the extent of the damage their behaviour is causing not only to themselves, but the enormity of impact their behaviour is having on their spouse, family, and friends.
YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME FOR YOUR PARTNER’S SEX OR PORN ADDICTION
Spouses only too often blame themselves for their partner’s sexual behaviour or become subjected to blame by their partners. Disturbingly, spouses may even receive destructive criticism by family or friends for their partners sexual addiction. In reality, sexual addiction is a compulsive sexual behavior disorder and cannot be caused by a spouse. You have not contributed to the development of your partner’s sexual addiction, nor did you ever have the power to stop their addiction!
ADDRESSING YOUR OWN EMOTIONS AND GETTING HELP
As a result of the intimate and sexual betrayals you have sustained, you are likely to experience an array of devastating, unfamiliar, conflicting and confusing emotions.
They may include;
- Shock
- Numbness
- Disbelief
- Depression
- Crying
- Loss of trust
- Developing stressful checking behaviours, e.g. phones, computers, bank statements, wallets, pockets, etc.
- Disgust
- Anger and Rage
- Emotional constriction
- Extreme stress
- Extreme agitation
- Disturbed sleep
- Nightmares and flashbacks
- Exhaustion, lack of energy
- Lack of motivation
- Concentration difficulties and forgetfulness
- Loss of appetite, or overeating
- Digestive difficulties
- Weight gain, weight loss
- Physical malaise
- Loss of skin tone
- Hair loss
- Struggling with managing daily demands
- Anxiety
- Panic attacks
- Struggle with financial security
- Fear of the future
- Inability/unwillingness to return to sexual vulnerability
- Feelings of unworthiness
- Humiliation
- Loss of self-esteem
- Loss of identity
- Self blame
INTERVENTION AND HELP
Your sex addicted spouse, not you, has lost control over their behaviour. ASAA is here to help you. We draw from two decades of experience in Professional Counselling and Clinical Sex Therapy specific to sexual addiction treatment and intimate betrayal trauma counselling.
YOU CAN DEMAND CHANGE AND ACTION FROM YOUR SPOUSE
- Remind yourself of your original goals and agreements in your relationship.
- Determine what is acceptable behaviour in your relationship, and what is unacceptable.
- Set firm boundaries.
- Communicate these boundaries to your spouse.
- Prepare for denial, lying, rejection, and anger as a part of their sexual addiction.
- Stay focused and firm. NO level of abuse is acceptable.
- Be aware of your own upheaval and your rightful anger, but be mindful of your rage or your urge to retaliate.
- Make your spouse’s commitment to recovery a condition for a possible continuation of your relationship.
- Your spouse has to earn back your trust and respect.
- Get professional support for yourself allowing yourself to come to terms with your emotions and needs in your own time.
HOW OUR SPOUSE SUPPORT & COUNSELLING WORKS FOR YOU
- Our spouse support therapy focuses firmly on your personal situation and your own emotional needs.
- We are here to help you finding your own solutions while coming to terms with your emotional pain.
- We assist you with determining your next steps forward in your own time.
- We help you developing and implementing day to day coping tools.
- We gently guide you through the process of finding your emotional balance and future.
ENQUIRE OR MAKE AN APPOINTMENT FOR SPOUSE SUPPORT COUNSELLING HERE
Feel welcome and ask questions. Get in touch with Heide Principal Counsellor and Clinical Sex Therapist at ASAA. Call Heide during office hours (+61) 02 9380 4486 or Book Or Enquire Online or email info@sexaddictionaustralia.com.au